consolidation
~To blog in peace is a bliss~
Its never the big events going on in the world that really sets one thinking. A million thing goes through our mind everyday. A thousand changes occur in our familiar surroundings. A hundred thing thats close to our hearts. Things to ponder over, things to worry about and things that make our day. Thats what makes us sit down in a quiet corner of our room and think. Insignificant, unrelated ocurence that sets our mind rolling.Thats the beauty of reflection
Took a short walk down memory lane. Saw how I have been like in recent months. I didn't see a very impressive representation of me in my memories. Not like old times. I am not one of those high flyers. But I do have moments when I felt triumphant with a sense of pride. Moments when I saw what I achieve and felt like I could achieve just anything. I remember my A-Levels. I remember National Ten-pin. I remember graduation parade. This little notes of victories, I still have with me.
But these days, well these days, I am getting kinda dull. Like a piece of armour has lost its lustre. Yet I recognise the reason behind it. I haven't been polishing up on my life. Been enthusiastic with things I enjoy, thats true. But what you enjoy may not really be of value isn't it. For the past mile down this one way lane, I saw Kelvin doing things bluntly. There is a lack of objectivity which I used to take pride in. I won't say I am losing sight on my goals but it seems I am drifting away in enjoyment. I am just not accustomed to the fact that I am allowing myself to erode off into the river and go with the flow. Still, I like to be in control of what I am doing. So much for learning to follow the heart and not the mind, I am still far from it I guess. I still remember whose the first person who showed me the differentiation. It kinda struck me then. I have come to recognise it but haven't manage to get in tune with it. Maybe such things take a longer time.
One life. Live it. Thats my dogma. But now, with me drifting much away from the ladder I have been hanging on to for so long as I have had dreams; I am beginning to wonder if I would ever accomplish that which I have set out to achieve. Lofty my ambitions are. Not just goals of life but ambitious dreams that still drives me deep within. But I don't see myself doing anything constructive and productive of late. Just plainly enjoying the spoils of NS. Yes its just 2 years. Infact one more year to go. I would probably be back on track by then. What worries me is, infact, the opportunities that I might actually be missing out. I am afraid I did miss out on certain things which are pivotal in my life. Scholarship for one. Its not a setback for me, but its a stain reminding me of what I might be missing out. On the contrary, it might be hiding what I may stand to gain. This, I can only unveil when the time comes.
I haven't let go of my beliefs. That I forge my life the way I want it; that exploring alternative pathways to one's goal is added opportunity for unexpected bonus in life. I remember telling Wong that people like us really have nothing to worry in life. No matter how bad the turn gets. The dice will still roll a path of no worries for us. We will eventually get a job, buy a car, buy a house, get married. Almost without question. How high to reach, it depends on how hard we fight and how we grab opportunities that come by.
Wonder why I have been feeling old. Irony is, I have been telling that to people who are older than me. 19? Almost a third of my life has elasped. What have I missed. What have I to achieve in time. Fate will not decide. My hands will. Ask me what inspires me? Its the ten different dreams I have for myself and the one life that I have to not miss anything out. My name is Kelvin.
Its never the big events going on in the world that really sets one thinking. A million thing goes through our mind everyday. A thousand changes occur in our familiar surroundings. A hundred thing thats close to our hearts. Things to ponder over, things to worry about and things that make our day. Thats what makes us sit down in a quiet corner of our room and think. Insignificant, unrelated ocurence that sets our mind rolling.Thats the beauty of reflection
Took a short walk down memory lane. Saw how I have been like in recent months. I didn't see a very impressive representation of me in my memories. Not like old times. I am not one of those high flyers. But I do have moments when I felt triumphant with a sense of pride. Moments when I saw what I achieve and felt like I could achieve just anything. I remember my A-Levels. I remember National Ten-pin. I remember graduation parade. This little notes of victories, I still have with me.
But these days, well these days, I am getting kinda dull. Like a piece of armour has lost its lustre. Yet I recognise the reason behind it. I haven't been polishing up on my life. Been enthusiastic with things I enjoy, thats true. But what you enjoy may not really be of value isn't it. For the past mile down this one way lane, I saw Kelvin doing things bluntly. There is a lack of objectivity which I used to take pride in. I won't say I am losing sight on my goals but it seems I am drifting away in enjoyment. I am just not accustomed to the fact that I am allowing myself to erode off into the river and go with the flow. Still, I like to be in control of what I am doing. So much for learning to follow the heart and not the mind, I am still far from it I guess. I still remember whose the first person who showed me the differentiation. It kinda struck me then. I have come to recognise it but haven't manage to get in tune with it. Maybe such things take a longer time.
One life. Live it. Thats my dogma. But now, with me drifting much away from the ladder I have been hanging on to for so long as I have had dreams; I am beginning to wonder if I would ever accomplish that which I have set out to achieve. Lofty my ambitions are. Not just goals of life but ambitious dreams that still drives me deep within. But I don't see myself doing anything constructive and productive of late. Just plainly enjoying the spoils of NS. Yes its just 2 years. Infact one more year to go. I would probably be back on track by then. What worries me is, infact, the opportunities that I might actually be missing out. I am afraid I did miss out on certain things which are pivotal in my life. Scholarship for one. Its not a setback for me, but its a stain reminding me of what I might be missing out. On the contrary, it might be hiding what I may stand to gain. This, I can only unveil when the time comes.
I haven't let go of my beliefs. That I forge my life the way I want it; that exploring alternative pathways to one's goal is added opportunity for unexpected bonus in life. I remember telling Wong that people like us really have nothing to worry in life. No matter how bad the turn gets. The dice will still roll a path of no worries for us. We will eventually get a job, buy a car, buy a house, get married. Almost without question. How high to reach, it depends on how hard we fight and how we grab opportunities that come by.
Wonder why I have been feeling old. Irony is, I have been telling that to people who are older than me. 19? Almost a third of my life has elasped. What have I missed. What have I to achieve in time. Fate will not decide. My hands will. Ask me what inspires me? Its the ten different dreams I have for myself and the one life that I have to not miss anything out. My name is Kelvin.
posted by zente @ 7:50 AM
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